This could be heaven or this could be hell..

Musings on modern life, the 70's – with music.

Wasn’t I there? Didn’t I take good care of you?

Lorraine Ellison – ‘Stay With Me’

A bit of a 2016 rant.

This horrible fucking year. Well not ALL of it, as that would be preposterous. But already we are half way through the year (yesterday was incredibly the longest day). And still it rains.

From the moment I awoke on January 1st, I knew something wasn’t quite right – feeling miserable, tired, irritable and a little tearful but I put it down to post Christmas/New Year Eve blues.

At some point this year (can I find it?) I produced a list of things that I’d like to do this year. I have set foot inside a gym for the first time in my life and have swum more times in the last three months than I have in the last twenty years – I am certainly reaping the benefits and think that I am looking more youthful as a result (which also might have something to do with the daily nettle tea!). And I ‘think’ I have given up smoking (I say think as I’m not sure that you ever quite do – and am pleased that I have done it without the aid of a vapour (accident waiting to happen in my book).

I remember saying that I wanted to use my passport. The thought of going on holiday on my own actually terrifies me. It’s not that I haven’t done it before. I have (to Ibiza). I just have no idea where to go. Somewhere hot, somewhere cultural, somewhere abroad or somewhere over here. I have no bloody idea. At all.

And I’ve also been ‘internet dating’. Well I say that. I’ve been on one date (if you can call it that), been hoodwinked and scammed, been totally ignored or frequently winked at by the ‘wrong kind of people’. It’s been a lesson learned. Once my ‘subscription’ ends I shall not be renewing it.

It is, perhaps, the desolation which is the worse. Only last Father’s Day I was happily strolling Fred and spotted two fellas hand-in-hand – they looked so happy and content with their dog. Returning home, I switched on my laptop and spotted people out with their Dad’s or their families or on holiday. I switched it off.

The internet, internet dating especially, does funny things to your head. You end up flicking through photos – like a bored suburban housewife flicking through the Marshall Ward catalogue – liking some, dismissing others for what reason exactly? You base all of your decisions upon a single photo, a wittily worded profile, a liking of AOR rock music. Yet, YET, it gets you precisely nowhere. Facebook is becoming a bit like that and taking a leaf out of Mark Wood’s book will also be trimming back on my ‘friends’ (am I REALLY a Friend of Martin G Stephenson or the girl who sent me a friend request – which I accepted – because I liked a Nick Heyward link – not anymore no). Already de-friended 40 and feel better.. and oddly I’m seeing posts from proper friends that I’ve not seen in months.

And then Bowie died. Which wasn’t supposed to happen. Not yet, not until he’d played one last tour (although a more dignified death it is impossible to countenance). And then Prince. Both leaving behind an incredible, remarkable legacy of work.

I actually thought I was going mad – so much so that I spiralled out of control at the last Almanac (probably the lack of nicotine in retrospect) – drank FAR too much and ended up at home, in bed, fully clothed with the back door open and with no recollection of what I was doing.

And I also mention my bash to the head whilst carrying the DJ’s decks? No. Well, I knocked myself unconscious, ended up in A&E, had a couple of days off work – no lasting damage but had a funny little dream about answering emails whilst lying out cold.

There has been some lovely bright hours/evenings/days. Bruce at Wembley Stadium, Mark’s AMAZING jetset themed party, the ‘audition’, a couple of lovely birthday parties (getting our own dressing room in particular), my birthday where I um..well let’s leave that there, Sal’s birthday, Duckie does Bowie, the lovely Akase gig in Hoxton and the less lovely journey back, Andy & Doug’s Wedding and ALL of the Almanacs and Hanoverians with Dom and all of the people who have attended through it all (Guest DJ’s are working a treat). Plus my WordPress website – which has given me some extra va-va-voom.

However, it’s not quite there yet is it, 2016? I DO feel like I am treading water. The weather, possibly the wettest damp squib ever, does not help one jot. One day hot (ish), the next day rainy – for God’s Sake I even had my under the counter heater on just yesterday.

And then we have the In/Out Vote this coming Thursday. Never would I have imagined that it would divide this country to the extent that it has. I am actually sick of hearing about it all. Friends have fallen out with friends over it and worse. Whatever happens (and I hope that we stay in, of course I do) – no one has actually died, we’ll all be here when the results come in, we can all pick up the pieces. I shan’t miss all of the nonsense which has come with it. We all live in a democracy and praise that – everyone is free t0 vote whichever way they want to, I just don’t want to discuss it further – it’s all white noise now. God knows, though, what I’ll do if Farage, IDS, Gove and Johnson get their way though – they are all bloody insane and Farage is an out and out racist.. I know, I’ll move probably. To Italy. Or California (although Trump is another nutter).  At least I’ll be able to make use of my passport.

This little jewel of a record. Lorraine (or Marybelle Luraine Ellison as she was born) was a singer with a modicum of success in the States reaching number 63 in the Billboard Top 100. Over here, it surfed a wave of success sometime in the 70’s which is where I first heard it. Her vocals tear you to the very core – I’ve not heard anything else by her but imagine that this one record is enough (wasn’t this used in an advert). Lorraine died from ovarian cancer aged just 51.

P.S : As a footnote: I’ve just found my list posted elsewhere:

Get a fitter or ‘more toned’
Eat better
Use my passport
Complete my collection of Now CD’s
Watch less rubbish telly
Find a bloke
Restrict my access to Facebook
Have more fun & dancing.
Am actually doing okay!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


This entry was posted on June 21, 2013 by in We Learnt More From A Three Minute Record.
%d bloggers like this: